Everybody needs to laugh a little

I think we all need to take a break and laugh a bit at times. This is one of those times for me, maybe for you too. I ran across this on a website, and thought I'd share it. Any fathers of teenage daughters will get a kick out of this...or if you plan to be the father of a teenage daughter. Hope it gives you a yuk or two.

Rules to date my Daughter:

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair
and open minded about this issue, so I propose this
compromise: You may come to the door with your
underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big,
and I will not object. However, in order to ensure
that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the
course of your date with my daughter, I will take my
electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in
place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex
without utilising a "barrier method" of some kind can
kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am
the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get
to know each other, we should talk about sports,
politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not
do this. The only information I require from you is an
indication of when you expect to have my daughter
safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my
daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date
with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied,
balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on
issues relating to my daughter, I am the powerful king of your domain. If I ask you where you
are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell
me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres
behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me
to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a
chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait
for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.