Battling with cynicism
Trust is a sometimes difficult thing as you grow older. I think that comes from living long enough to see too much, how the world...and people can be. To me there's nothing worse than being lied to, lied about, manipulated, or used in some way. Other than the negative emotions such things evoke, in time, it destroys the ability to trust...and cynicism begins to set in. It becomes difficult at best to believe what anyone says...trust the motives behind what's said, or believe that anyone has a genuine desire to do good to you. I don't think anyone truly enjoys feeling that way, but unfortunately life's experiences sometimes force it upon you...like it or not. It's a terrible thing to feel that you can't trust another human being...and as a Christian, these experiences force me to try and figure how the admonition to "believe all things" fits in...and of course, forgiveness. When someone lies to you repeatedly, manipulates and uses you for their own selfish purposes, and that, without conscience or repentance, how do you manage to forgive?....or continue to "believe all things"? Well immediately this comes to mind..."with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." The ability to forgive does not, and indeed cannot come from within ourselves. Nor can the ability to continue to believe all things in the midst of all the deception we are all capable of. Only God can work that in us. But I guess beyond the ability to forgive, or to continue to believe all things, it's the letting go of all the negative emotions that come with these situations, and the desire to understand the motives, that is the most difficult to achieve. The truth of the matter is we can't understand our own motives for what we do, much less the motives of another...and to continue to try and grasp and understand the motivation behind the lying and manipulation of others puts us on an endless merry-go-round, with no final destination or stopping point in sight...much like the preacher of Ecclesiastes states, it's a "chasing of the wind". Lying and manipulation are extremely hateful things...they are a vicious assault on the person-hood of another...causing an array of hurtful and damaging emotions. I can't think of anything that so de-values another person as that. The only comfort we can take in such situations, is that our Lord can sympathize with us...for He suffered at the hands of wicked people far more than we ever could in this life, or even imagine. People betrayed Him, lied about Him, attempted to manipulate him, wanted Him only for what they could gain from Him, and deserted Him...and few...very few, truly love Him. We deserve all we suffer and a lot more...He did not. So I will take comfort in the balm of Gilead, and find the strength to forgive and continue to believe all things in Him through whom all things are possible
posted by allofgrace @ 11:02 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I think your concluding remarks said it all, “So I will take comfort in the balm of Gilead, and find the strength to forgive and continue to believe all things in Him through whom all things are possible.”
In 1 Corinthians 13, it is LOVE that is being described. We know that scripture does not command us to “believe ALL things, hope ALL things”. Our hope is in Christ alone, we place our trust in Christ alone who we know will never betray us. This is an important distinction.
The love described in this chapter is developed in reference to others; but others are not the motive, although they are the object. It has its source within; its strength is independent of the objects with which it is occupied. Thus it can act where circumstances might produce pain, suffering, irritation or jealousy in the human heart. It acts according to its own nature (not our human nature) in the circumstances. Love is its own motive. In us participation in the divine nature is its only source. Communion with God Himself alone sustains it through all the difficulties it has to surmount in its path.
Love is a fruit of the spirit and we can agape love even if we do not trust. I think the pain that can result from being betrayed by someone you have put a certain level of trust in can cause, for some, permanent damage and for others deep wounds that in time will heal. For some, the injury sustained by being the victim of betrayal is akin to having an arm broken. It is incredibly painful at the time, but in time, the arm heals and can be used again. For others, the injury sustained is more akin to having a leg blown off by a hand grenade—there is permanent damage done and the injury drastically changes the person’s ability to walk again, i.e., trust. That person can love people with an “agape” love but may never be able to trust someone with their heart again. So, they love without ever experiencing the joy that a meaningful and trusting relationship can bring. This is a sad reality, but has nothing to do with their inability to love the Lord or to love others with an “agape” love.
One can forgive an offense without that forgiveness resulting in the ability to trust that person again. One can forgive a friend for squandering away their money, but that forgiveness need not be proven by turning over more money to that person; one can forgive a spouse for adultery; but that forgiveness need not be proven by staying in the marriage; one can forgive someone for violating a confidence, but that forgiveness need not be tested by confiding in that individual again. Knowing someone is not trustworthy, does not mean you are not capable of loving them. It just means that the depth and meaningfulness of the relationship is affected negatively by the betrayal.
Anytime we are willing to “trust” someone else with anything of value: our money, the care of our children, our hearts, we run the risk of that trust being violated. I think one must use wisdom before placing their “trust” in anyone, but even then there are no guarantees that that trust will not be violated. It is a sad reality that sometimes the damage done to the human heart by one experience (or by the culmination of several experiences) can be so severe that it results in that persons inability to trust anyone again on any level. This is simply self preservation and the desire to protect oneself from the possibility of pain.
I think, for me anyway, there is a huge difference between certain kinds of relationships and the level one can love and feel loved in return. In a marital relationship, I feel one must give their heart, soul, mind and body (without reservation) and there must be a certain level of trust that their love will be cherished and protected from harm by their loved one. I don’t know that I will ever be able to “trust” enough to risk the pain of having that trust violated again. Although that makes me sad, because I know that much joy can be experienced on earth by that kind of a loving relationship; I don’t think that because I may not be capable of trusting again (at that level) that that makes me incapable of experiencing the love described in 1 Corinthians 13.
You are in my prayers,
ForHisSake
I'm aware of the context of "believe all things, hope all things, etc", but thanks for the instruction just the same. I believe my use of it in the context of of my topic "fits" so to speak, seeing that cynicism, if allowed to take root, can most assuredly get in the way of the agape love that allows us to "believe all things"...which in simpler terms...or as I take it anyhow, means to believe the best, hope for the best, etc. FOR the object of agape as well as ABOUT their accompanying words, deeds, etc. My summary point, I think, puts it in perspective as to how or where this ability to put agape into practice in spite of all that would breed cynicism in us comes from. We simply are not capable in and of ourselves to love in such a way.
I provided a comment because I felt a deep compassion for what you expressed. My desire was to connect and encourage. I suppose I’m not very good at either. I have had several friends who have stayed in very “unbiblical” relationships based on their understanding of that passage and have become “door mats”. So many (perhaps mostly women) misunderstand that passage. I believe it is primarily because they are placing their "believe all things" and “hope” in the wrong thing. They someone think that if the “hope their husband, or friend, or mother, will finally love them” that somehow they are being obedient to that passage.
Perhaps my comment was skewed because of that. Forgive me. I thought by sharing that somehow I might encourage your heart. That was truly my desire.
so, you should start blogging again. writing is always a good thing for you to do!
i tagged you on my blog, you will have to go see and then do it if you want to.
elisa :)
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