Everybody needs to laugh a little

I think we all need to take a break and laugh a bit at times. This is one of those times for me, maybe for you too. I ran across this on a website, and thought I'd share it. Any fathers of teenage daughters will get a kick out of this...or if you plan to be the father of a teenage daughter. Hope it gives you a yuk or two.

Rules to date my Daughter:

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair
and open minded about this issue, so I propose this
compromise: You may come to the door with your
underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big,
and I will not object. However, in order to ensure
that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the
course of your date with my daughter, I will take my
electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in
place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex
without utilising a "barrier method" of some kind can
kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am
the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get
to know each other, we should talk about sports,
politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not
do this. The only information I require from you is an
indication of when you expect to have my daughter
safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my
daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date
with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied,
balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on
issues relating to my daughter, I am the powerful king of your domain. If I ask you where you
are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell
me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres
behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me
to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a
chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait
for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Been a while

Well it's been some time since I last posted on this blog. I've had a lot going on the last several months, and time has been a premium. Of late, I've been posting comments on several other blogs having to do with some issues facing my home church. One of the main concerns of mine and some others is the PDC, PDL, seeker senstive movement. I have to admit I was surprised a couple of years ago, when the pastor of my church led us as a congregation through the 40 days of Purpose of the PDL book. At the time many churches across my city, and indeed across the nation were jumping on board with the PDL program. The thing I found particularly surprising in that is the seeming ecumenical nature of the program. What I mean is, how could a book by an SBC pastor have such appeal across denominational lines? I'm talking Baptists, Methodists, Seventh Day Adventists, Presbyterians, Independents....the whole gamut. The conclusion that I came to is...there couldn't be much that is doctrinally distinctive in it's contents. Upon examining the book I noticed that the author used some 15 different translations of the scriptures to support his thesis...some of which are very loose paraphrases. Maybe I'm just picky, but that alone is suspect to me...it smacks of an eisogetical approach to the scriptures...coming up with a thesis then turning to scripture to pull, out of context, passages...or only parts of passages (partial verses in some cases) to support the thesis. Not very sound in my view. But sound or not, it has obviously gained a foothold in evangelicalism..and in particular the SBC. It is way more than just another program...it is a worldwide movement. While no one I think would criticize the motive (reaching lost souls), methods do matter...because doctrine matters. Anytime we start tinkering with methods, we run the risk of compromising doctrine. No matter how well intended at the start...the temptation to begin to tinker with Biblical doctrine...in order to acheive the desired outcome, will inevitably come into play...which in the end, has just the opposite effect than what was originally intended. The whole idea of "seekers" to begin with is unbiblical. Rom. 3:10-12 makes this clear: "As it is written: 'There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God (italics mine). All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.'" So then what is the answer to this dilemma? As the scriptures ask ..."can a leopard change his spots?" No it cannot...nor can a sinner who seeks not God change his own disposition. Nor can any methodology, cajoling, or emotional/psychological manipulation open blind eyes, and deaf ears to hear the truth. It is a work of God. Our mandate is to faithfully preach the gospel of Christ as revealed in Holy Scripture to every man....only God can convert a soul. Am I straining at gnats? Consider this....faithful exposition of the Word=sound doctrine=solid conversions=right belief=right practice=God being glorified in His church. Make sense to you?....comments welcome.